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[quote=Anonymous]When we started DC2 at day care, we felt good about the providers in DC2's room (infant). (DC1 had been at the center for a year at that point and we were happy there). As DC2 got closer to the age other children were starting solids (6 months), the providers in the room started pressing various views on feeding- it started with pressure that I should have been bringing food. As I had another child and this isn't my first time around, I explained we wanted to wait on solids, but I was questioned multiple times on this choice. Then as time went by, and we did introduce solids, they would tell me I should bring more food than I was bringing, the food should be a different consistency, I should be giving DC2 prunes daily to help with pooping, etc. And there would be questions like "did you try this food at home first, mom, because DC2 didn't like it?" when I would have tried it at home and DC2 did eat it another day. And then DC2 was slower to crawl and sit up than the other children so they would say "mom, are you doing tummy time at home?", not "how is tummy time going at home?" but "are you doing it?" I really started to feel undermined, like each day I went in the room, there was some question about the way I was parenting and the decisions I was making or whether I was doing anything at all. Another day, I saw DC2 tummy sleeping, when I knew DC2 didn't learn how to flip over yet. They have a policy posted right next to the cribs that state that they do not place babies on their tummies for sleep. Since the food issues were already grating on me and it felt like there was tension with the providers, I didn't mention anything about the tummy sleeping (fully against my better judgement) because we were still setting DC2 up for back sleeping at home. It felt like another prescription of what they felt was best.

(When DC1 was younger we were at another facility and we were asked about starting solids, but I felt like it was a single conversation and I didn't have to field questions on a daily basis).

When they would question something and I would answer with what my choice was, most times there was still a press for the thing they thought was best or another question which always left me feeling like I was justifying myself. In all of this, they NEVER questioned DH. Maybe this is just a natural thing, to expect that mom makes all the choices, but it always came down on me. Fast forward a bit and baby started refusing breast milk from a bottle so I stopped pumping. I work just a few minute walk away and for the week I reduced/stopped pumping I said I would be stopping by to nurse in the afternoon if I got uncomfortable. They said, 'ok, just let us know when' So one day I called, based on DC2's normal schedule and they said they had just started a bottle. I asked how much there was left and they said the whole bottle. So I told them I'd run down and be there in less than 5 minutes- you can see my building from their window and they know this. I ran over and when I got there, the one woman had just finished feeding DC2 the entire bottle. I asked if she had somehow not gotten the message (as the other provider I spoke to on the phone was sitting right next to her) and she said, no, she got it, she just didn't feel like it was right to stop the bottle. She then asked if I wanted to nurse. Of course baby didn't want to nurse after the bottle. I said I felt disappointed that I asked them, they said ok, and I came right over and then they hadn't done what I had asked. (For the record, I ask very little of them and let them take the lead according to what they normally feel works in terms of sleep and eating schedules). The woman said 'well next time you need to give us more notice. Baby always gets a bottle at X time. You should call 15 minutes before that time.'  No apology. Everyone nods in agreement. Ok so the next day I call at the time they specified and they say, 'ok come on over' but they fail to have told me that baby had just been fed solids prior.  I gave up after that, but felt like some serious tension built up and the tone changed further with my interaction with them. Like everything was just the facts and as little conversation with me as possible. That was a month ago but it still feels like I'm getting the silent treatment.

Today, at the end of the day, I was meeting DH to pick up the kids and DC2 had started crawling for the first time today. All three providers went nuts telling my husband. He said how they all gathered around and squealed and explained the details TWICE. He went down the hall to pick up DC2 and I passed him in the hall. He told me about what they said and I walked in and said "I heard someone crawled!" One woman nodded and passed me baby and the other woman said to the first "ok I'm clocking out". This was moments after they had just been over the top with DH.

I can shake off most stuff and generally have a thick skin. But when I already hate that I have to work, and would prefer to be home with my kids, dropping them off with folks who are giving me this treatment just doesn't sit well with me. And this is a very expensive place and we have positive relationships with all of the other teachers. The center is between directors so I could go to talk to the interim one, but I wouldn't even know what to say or how to address this issue. Also, since all of these conversations are happening with all three of the providers in the room, I also don't feel comfortable pulling any one person aside and trying to address them directly.  I'm at the brink of wanting to switch rooms and just avoid addressing it but think it might just be better to suggest to the director that the providers have some coaching on dealing with parents's choices (or understanding the dynamics of breastfeeding/nursing) or mention that they are rude to me but pleasant to my husband. Not sure what to do. I really dread going into the room now.

Thoughts?[/quote]

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