Reply to Making the choice to stay after an EA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]15 years married, 3 kids under 8. I had an EA that lasted about 4 months, and DH found out last week. He was shattered. I broke things off with EA partner immediately, gave DH full access to all of my passwords, etc, and DH and I entered marital counseling. DH and I have had more open and honest discussions in the last week than we have in the prior 2 years. I feel like all of the things that I've been saying to deaf ears are finally hitting a receptive target. There has been no fighting, just a lot of hurt, and truth, and trying to find our way back to each other. Right now I chose my DH and my marriage. I am wary, somewhat, of our newfound closeness- how do I know that this communication/affection/openness is real, and it's not going to disappear in a few weeks/months? On the same hand, how does he know, that I won't go looking for that type of bond with someone else when I cannot find it from him? I get that this is all about rebuilding trust, and that is a very hard thing to do.

Any tips for helping to get through this? I want to be here. I want to be happy with the choice to stay in my marriage, but right now, the EA partner is still on my mind, and it's hard to get past how good that relationship made me feel. I am not in love with my EA partner, and I never run into him. I do love DH, and I am committed to make this work.[/quote]

Go to counseling. You obviously need to talk a lot through both with and without your husband. This won't happen easily. Expect your husband to also have some resentment towards you for a while--even if it is not immediately apparent. [/quote]

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