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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So he wants to stay married and you don't.  Doubt if you can change his mind anymore than he can change yours.  What will that mean for co parenting together in the future?  Well, he might resent you for leaving the marriage, even tell your kid one day that you left him.  He might tell this to your family and friends.  But, in fact, you are the one who is leaving.  So you should own that anyway.  I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but you seem afraid of coming out of this looking like the bad guy, which is trivial and even narcissistic in light of the gravity of the situation.  There will be much more important challenges.

Focus instead on how you are going to successfully co parent together, (schedules, living arrangements, holidays, vacations, in law visitations....) and not about convincing each other who was more right.

Be prepared for you toddler to ask you why you and dad can't live together.  Talk to a child psychologist about the best things to say (and not say) about the split.  Also good books on this.  Have your stbxh come if possible.  Be the adult in the situation, and let things go for the sake of your kid.

Good luck.  
[/quote]

Hey, I am not worried about looking like the bad guy. I am just trying to find a way to not make this so contentious. Our marriage has dissolved into [b]constant threats, violence (towards each other)[/b] and just general misery. It might sound pie in the sky- but I really know that we ALL deserve better. Him, me, and mostly our son.

I am fine being the 'bad guy'- because this 'bad guy' is just trying to hit the reset button and stop the chaos[/quote]

OP, you can't say "I don't want to go into details, because that will take the thread in a different direction" and then slide in the teeny little detail about VIOLENCE. Details DO matter. If you are just bickering, then you are going to get lots of suggestions like the ones posted--about trying to work things out, thinking about the child, etc. If there is abuse, you get out. Period. All other questions (such as whether your spouse wants to divorce or not, become completely insignificant in comparison.[/quote]

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