Reply to How do you keep kids out of trouble?

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[quote=Anonymous][b]Is it through sports?[/b]  Two of mine are competitive gymnasts and, yes, that keeps them out of trouble.  The third is not athletic, so he has to be kept busy in other ways.

[b]Being strict about friends and always knowing where they are?[/b]  By middle school, you are losing track of their friends, but I always know where my kids are.  It's their responsibility to let me know where they are going, how long they are staying, who they are with and to respond to any text I send.

[b]Having high standards about school and grades?[/b]  Not so much.  I have two kids who struggle immensely with school.  By spending too much time focusing on it, I would be just highlighting the negative and making an issue out of what is extremely difficult for them.  The real issue is developing a plan for the future and taking the steps to get there.  So, for example, one of mine is into cars.  Early on, he decided he wanted to go to vo tech, so we met with the school and found out what it takes to get admitted.  Since it is competitive and his grades aren't great, we had to focus on things like attendance, punctuality, SSL hours, good behavior, etc.

[b]Expecting them to have a job during high school or during the summer?[/b]  yes, but the other side of this is that you put money in their pocket, so it's  a double edged sword.

[b]Do you condone/not condone any drug/alcohol use?[/b] absolutely not ok in our house.  And, if I find you do, you will not be driving my cars.

[b]How do you allow dating, and what are your expectations regarding sexual activity?[/b]  If you're going to date (and my kids do), I need your plan for each one - who is going, how are you getting there (I want to know specifically who is driving and how many kids in each car), who is paying for what and what is the cost (you have to teach them money management if they are going to be successful), and have they discussed the level of physical contact they are comfortable with (I don't want to know, I just want them prepared because I do not want grandchildren from my high schoolers).

I think someone already mentioned this, but one of the biggest things is to actively work on your relationship with your kids as they are growing up.  The first time they go on a date is not really a good time to have your first conversation about sex, drugs, or driving.  I am constantly reminding my kids about the importance of trust and how to earn it and not lose it and it's something they have to build with you way before they ever need you to trust them.  I feel like I've worked all of their life to get to the point where they are ready to be teenagers and are trustworthy enough to give them my car keys and not even wait up for them.  I don't really feel like the success they are having in managing their lives now has much to do with the things I am doing today - it's been in the process for so long.[/quote]

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