Reply to If your 5, 6, or 7 yo girl started being unkind/mean, did she grow out of it?

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[quote=Anonymous]My 6/7 yo went through this at the beginning of 1st grade.  It was, in part, a reaction to a particular situation and also her trying on a new persona at a new school.  She has a lot of strong emotions as well and is pretty sensitive.

I addressed it in a couple of ways.  I used a lot of golden rule analogies.  For example, she wanted to have a play date with the same aged girls in her neighborhood but not invite one girl, Broomhilda (this was in reaction to Broomhilda loudly inviting every child at the bus stop to a playdate except DD and her sister.)  So I asked her if she liked how it felt when the Broomhilda excluded her, and we talked about feelings and doing what was right vs. exacting retribution.  I also just flat out told her that 'we' don't behave in that manner and that if she wanted to host a play date, she'd have to do it in a kind and inclusive way.

Another thing I did was try to model kindness whenever I could.  I'd go out of my way to help someone, including the DD. Not to the point of inhibiting independence or creating spoiled monsters, but just to take a few moments to help them with something whether they asked or not.

Finally, we talked about what it was like to be a good friend and how good friends treat each other.  And I made it clear that they didn't have to be friends with everyone, but she had to be polite and kind.

It took some time but she eventually turned the corner.  I don't think this is something that will change based on a one-time consequence.  I think you'll have to marry discussions with consequences.

PS - on the laughing when others are hurt thing, that might be her automatic response.  Some people do that when they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to do.  Just help her find another way.
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