Reply to Affection That Comes With Strings Attached

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been married for 20 years and have two DCs, 18 and 15yo.  We are in couples counseling for a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with him abdicating household and family adult responsibilities to me.  In a nutshell, I have been over-functioning and he has been under-functioning for many years.  This has (understandably) had a very negative impact my trust in him and consequently, on our marriage and sex life.

We are working on rebuilding trust and affection, but it is slow going.  I am trying to be affectionate with him and to return affection, but it takes some effort and as I said - slow going.

When he expresses affection to me (e.g. a kiss or a hug), most of the time he touches my breast (cops a feel) as part of the gesture.  This irritates me to no end as it feels like he can't express affection without there being something sexual in it for him.  It causes me to recoil (because it's more than I am up for at that moment), which in turn makes him angry.

Is it possible for a man to kiss, hug, express affection without there being a sexual component to it?[/quote]

So OP you think he has to express non sexual affection to you as the hoop he has to jump through to prove what?   You've been married 20 years.  You're not virgins going out on a first date.  It is you who are the problem in this marriage.   Normal men want to have sex with their wives and express sexuality in their affection.   So do normal women, of course.   Who ever told you that after 20 years you get to tell him how he is and is not permitted to express affection to his wife?   
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