Reply to S/O Is it possible to have a happy family if you don't come from one?

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Reply to "S/O Is it possible to have a happy family if you don't come from one?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I think yes, but you have to address any issues that you might have picked up with despite trying not to and deal with them head on.[/b]

DH has been estranged from his dad since he was 14. His dad is mentally ill and I don't know why but never sought treatment and made life worse for his family until his mom had to divorce to protect this kids when DH was 11. MIL is attracted to people with issues for sure, her 2nd husband is, um, interesting. And he has to deal with how to be a good father without a real role model. His coping method seems to be to
 ask, almost compulsively, advice and words of wisdom from fathers he meets/ knows, especially about the later childhood and teenage stages.[/quote]'

NP here.  +1 to the bolded statement by this PP.

OP, knowing both your backgrounds, you and your spouse need to be sure to address them as PP says. Then you're proceeding clear-eyed and aware.

I know one family where the parents did this -- recognized that they had learned some bad lessons from their own parents, got therapy, worked hard on their commitment to each other, etc. -- and their family is happy and functioning and able to keep up strong boundaries.

I know another family where both spouses just said "We won't repeat our own parents' mistakes!" but never did any work to explore the effects those mistakes had on them, and the result was...they did repeat those mistakes, to everyone's cost.

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