Reply to This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax

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[quote=Anonymous]"Q: Not even my in laws
My husband's wife died 4 years ago. Their two teenage daughters live with us. When she died, the mother had a sizeable life insurance policy which she apparently wanted to be used to fund her daughters' (v expensive) private education. I believe that this money would be better spent buying a larger home in a neighborhood with better schools which could also benefit any future children that we might have. Husband is against this because he is worried daughters will freak out (he tends to be overly permissive). So I suggested to the girls while he was on a business trip my idea to test the waters and they went running to their very well-off grandparents (mother's parents). Since then, I have gotten an email from their mother's brother announcing an unexpected visit, an email to husband and I telling us that grandparents would be happy to pay for granddaughters education, etc. My husband is very angry and blames me despite the fact that I think they are completely overreacting (there are worse things than getting transferred from a fancy private school to a fancy public school). I honestly feel that the mother's family just interferes with my ability to make decisions about how my family will live, etc. How do I make these in-laws less dramatic and regain control?

A: Carolyn Hax
Holy carp. That's rich: YOU made a total and dramatic power move when you undermined your husband in his absence to get what you wanted--a nice big well-located house for you and your future kids on his dead wife's dime and at their daughters' expense. Wow.

The girls stay in their school because they're happy there and the money has been earmarked for it and they've been through enough, ffs.

If I were in your husband's place I might be talking to a lawyer already. You didn't actually do anything yet, granted, but the plan for which you overreachingly and underhandedly just laid the groundwork is so grasping and self-enriching that I would be in the midst of a big rethink of everything I once thought I knew about you. "(there are worse things than getting transferred from a fancy private school to a fancy public school)"--yes, there are--a stepparent in control but not interested in their best interests.

I'm not even sure what to advise except to look in the mirror. Not because there aren't other things you can do, but because I don't really think you'll do them. You're all about you. You'll have less "interference" from your in-laws if you recognize that, recognize your own ulterior motives, do a soul inventory, then emerge from it with consistent demonstrations that you can place your stepdaughters' interests above your own until they've been equipped to complete college.

— JUL 01, 2016 2:10 EDT"

https://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-live-20160701.html?hpid=hp_local-news_hax-12pm%3Ahomepage%2Fstory

I have no skin in this game, neither a stepmother nor a step child but this cannot really be the norm, can it?

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