Reply to How much patience before giving up on therapy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. It's breaking my heart to read the kindness in your responses. I thought everyone would tell me I was being unfair to him, which is what he tells me when I express frustration or impatience. To answer the previous question, my daughter is only a year old.

Here's a vent: We had a horrible morning here when I found out he invited friends over for dinner. Our rule is that whoever initiates plans at the house follows through on prepping the house and planning the meal. it's only hours before the guests are set to arrive and the house is in Friday-after-a-long-work-week-with-a-toddler shambles and there's nothing to serve for dinner. I asked him what the plan was multiple times and he's instead spent the day napping and drifting around and is now startled that we only have 3 hours to do everything. He knows I'll run myself into the ground picking up his slack because I don't want to be embarrassed. I think you're right that the ADHD is an excuse for a level of basic unkindness that he's willing to sustain when faced with the alternative, which is hard work and effort and occasional discomfort.

[b]I hate that I can't talk to anyone I know in real life about this and I'm embarassed that I put up with it.[/b] Thank you all for listening. [/quote]

Maybe that's the key? Tell him you need more support, and that if he can't be the support you need because of his illness, you need to reach out to family/friends and explain what's going on.

If he had cancer, you'd tell your (trusted) friends/family, right? So why is this any different? If it's truly his disorder, then it is what it is.

If, as most of us on this thread suspect, it's NOT purely ADHD, and is instead doucheitis or some other decency deficiency, perhaps letting him know that you're no longer willing to take up the slack and cover for his jerkishness will shake some sense into the dude.[/quote]

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