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[quote=Anonymous]Spouse needs to start seeing a therapist to talk about the issues related to the mother. That's the root cause of the behaviors.

If your spouse is able to work on that for a while, then the two of you could also meet with a counselor to find a non-blaming, neutral way to try to learn to reset some of the ways you communicate and interact, so that you don't fall into the negative and pointless dynamic you're in now. As it stands, you're just triggering each other's ingrained reactions, and those are deep ruts. It takes a lot of mindfulness and work to learn to deal with ingrained emotional reactions, halt things in their tracks, and head down a different and more positive path.

The pattern of meeting people and doing the idealize/demonize thing is a borderline personality disorder behavior. Totally not implying your spouse has this disorder, more that they need to look at what core damage they have as a result of issues with their mom, and work on healing that. [/quote]

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