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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Spouse and I are at what feels like a communications impasse. Basically, spouse complains we never "talk" anymore. But I dread "talking" because I have come to learn it means I will be subjected to an extended and repetitive conversation that features one or more of the following:

1) A rant. What could be communicated in two minutes (which would be more appropriate when spouse interrupts me during the work day) turns into a 30-minute diatribe.
2) Extreme pessimism on spouse's part (whatever problem is present -- whether it be something with the kids' school, something at work, something with church or whatever) has to immediately assume the worst case scenario is playing out/is inevitable.
3) Name-calling (associated with the first two... so, the teacher or work colleague or fellow volunteer is a back-stabbing whore or a bitch or something worse in relation to whatever transgression, real or imagined, has occurred). 
4) A lecture. Not, "honey you forgot to wash the pot when you cleaned the kitchen" but rather a 20-minute lecture on how failing to wash the pot will do X, Y, Z. Spouse does this with the children, too.
5) A refutal of anything I say, particularly if it points out a different scenario than the worst case outcome, replete with a complain that spouse cannot talk to me anymore. Or, in the alternative, an attack for listening to passively (because I've learned that I will be attacked if I say anything).

It's exhausting. And, yes, I avoid conversation now.  The negativity and anger and speed to annoyance trigger anxiety for me.

Yes, spouse is probably depressed. But spouse has lots of anger literally related to relationship with mother. Freud would have a field day.[/quote]

That definitely doesn sound much fun. Do you ever just ask her to talk? Like a question that would not trigger any of these (if that exists?) or is the response to everything angry and pessimistic? Was she always like this? Can you express worry that she is always upset and seems stressed? I'm not saying it's all on you to fix it but you can try because the alternative is if she doesn't change back to how she used to be and no one should ahve to put up with this. [/quote]

In hindsight, yes, she's always been a bit like this but it seems to be getting worse as she ages. She seems to have conflict with EVERYONE. The pattern is she meets someone, announces how she TOTALLY LOVES THEM. And then, within months or so, there's usually some falling out that's always the other person's fault (because everyone else is always an idiot, or worse). And, she wants me to hear and validate this when she's come to the conclusion just how evil/incompetent/awful some other person is.

No, I don't approach her to talk anymore since it's always a minefield. And if I ask for her counsel about something -- say, a problem at work -- she starts telling me exactly what I'm supposed to do.

It's just bizarre.

What stresses me out most is listening to how she lectures the children, who are 13 and 11 now. They're starting to roll their eyes. It's never just "clean up your room" but rather a whole diatribe about how they have it easy, we don't ask much of them, how they have a responsibility to keep their room cleaned, etc.  Me, I just say "clean your room -- you cannot go to your friend's house or have your friend over until you do." No lecture. [/quote]

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