Reply to WWYD: loyalty and family ties

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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up close to my mom's side of the family (her parents, her brother, and his two kids). My grandmother died when I was in high school and my grandfather's health started declining a few years after that. During my grandfather's slow decline (dementia), there was a lot of conflict between my mom and my uncle, mostly over caregiving responsibilities (my mom is local, my uncle was not, and my mom felt under appreciated for doing the lion's share of the caregiving). My grandfather died 9 years ago. In the conflict that resulted (over bad feelings related to caregiving responsibilities and fights over money) a lot of nasty things were said. My older cousin and my aunt in particular said some unforgivable things to my mom. Sample conversation: "You're a cancer on this family and I wish you would die!"

As far as I know, my younger cousin (to whom I was always closer to) did not directly say anything to my mom. At my mom's request, we have not had any contact with any of them in the 9 years since my grandfather died. My mom was very sick about 7 years ago (in a coma for over a week); my dad called my uncle to tell him, and he never called back.

I just reached out to my younger cousin on Facebook. She messaged me to say something generic like "good to hear from you." Now I'm stuck. I'm not sure how much contact I want with her -- I was close to her and I miss her but I don't want to hurt my mom.

What would you do?[/quote]

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