Reply to How to help DD to be more assertive and have a social life

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[quote=Anonymous]My middle schooler is like that and gives similar reasons.

When my kid gives the "not popular enough so no one wants to come" I counter with:

Are the kids in your firend group the "popular" kids
-- "No."

You are not a popular kid, and if one of your equally non popular friends were to suggest getting together, going to a movie, etc would your turn up your nose, refuse the invite or make fun of them for suggesting it?

-- "No. I would be excited to be asked to do something."

Don't you thing all of the somewhat of the unpopular kids (most of the school) would feel the same way  as you if they are invited to do something fun so they don't have to spend Friday and Saturday nights with mom, dad and their little siblings?

-- "Uhhh..."

Don't you and your friends enjoy each other's company and have fun when you are together and isn't that more fun than staring at a screen alone?

-- "Yes, but"

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

FINALLY, it clicked and my kid decided to initiate a group outing to see a new release movie this past weekend with the "unpopular" group of kids he hangs out with at lunch.

Surprise! (Not to me) All the kids, including two additional kids who are not in their lunch group came and they had a great time. The next night, another kid organized a social event from an overlapping group. There is talk of another event next weekend, and a possible end of the year party.

All from some really nice kids in the lower social brackets who probably all felt too "unpopular" throughout middle school to organize any social gathering that anyone would want to attend.
 
It is hard, but try to convince your daughter that if she feels this way likely other girls she is friendly with feel the exact same way and would love for something to do on the weekends.

I think social media makes it so much harder to convince them of this since the "popular" kids are constantoy chronicalling online how fun and wonderful they are compared to the minnions.

You just need to convince your daughter there are more minnions than popular kids and that the minnions, just like your daughter, would love something to do on tye weekends besides hanging out alone at home.
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