Reply to Did you learn how to ask for what you want in a relationship in an effective way?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  For brevity I left out some details, but here goes.  A few days into BF's trip, I realized I was upset he hadn't gotten in touch during what we both knew was a tough time for me (not relating to him).  So I texted him one evening and let him know I was struggling and in need of encouragement.  I have never done this with anyone, so it was putting myself  out there. I'm very independent, get things done.  The next day at lunch he called and we had a great call.

Then nothing for days.  He knew I'd been in distress and had x, y, and z coming up in those days.  Yesterday he called and it was brief. He told me about the night before being his personal beer consumption best.  We chatted about his trip, and just as I was opening my mouth to offer what had happened on my end, he asked to end the call.  Never asked anything about me or how I was doing.[/quote]

Good for you for putting yourself out there!

He may have thought the call resolved things, or was so wrapped up in his trip that he was less considerate than usual.  I would bring it up at a calm time, like having a snuggle on the couch.  I would say "Hey, can I ask you about something that bothered me on your trip? I noticed a communication breakdown and I would like to figure out how I can better communicate my needs to you. I really appreciated the great phone call when I told you I was having a rough time, but was confused that you didn't bring it up after that.  I would have liked to hear from you in the following days, how could I have communicated that clearer?"

By asking what you could have done differently you're not putting him on the defensive right away.  You're genuinely asking how to fix a problem you guys had, and making him aware of it at the same time.[/quote]

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