Reply to Guidance Needed - ADHD kid, family life, struggling to get on same page with DH

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[quote=Anonymous]Does your DH have ADHD? He sounds similar to mine, which is why I'm asking.

I handle the organization and schedule in our family because my DH uses up all his ability to be organized on work and has nothing left over at home. He can, with practice, implement a schedule that I have created. He cannot just pick one up and figure out how to make it work on his own without a whole lot of trial and error, and an ADHD kid combined with his own lack of skills makes it a monster of a mess. My DH acknowledges his weakness in this area though, so he's not fighting me. He also understands how important routine is for our ADHD kid, even if he struggles with implementing it on his own.

I use my DH as my sounding board. When we're trying to scaffold for our kid so he'll remember his water bottle, like we've been working on Every Morning Of His Life Since He Was 5, I brainstorm ideas with my DH. I may implement our ideas - write up a note card, put an empty water bottle in front of the door, put a water bottle in the lunch sack, etc - my DH is the expert consultant. I think that helps us feel more like equals. I'm not all on my own, my husband is helping, he's just helping in the way he's uniquely able to.

I also can't implement a lot of changes all at once. I have to build habits in the entire family. Times of the year like this, where there's the transition from schools to camps, it's going to be hellish anyway as everyone adjusts and learns the new routine. Be patient with yourself. Have a meeting with your DH and brainstorm ways to approach this. Make sure he agrees with how important routine is.[/quote]

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