Reply to Guidance Needed - ADHD kid, family life, struggling to get on same page with DH

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Guidance Needed - ADHD kid, family life, struggling to get on same page with DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Okay folks, I need some guidance.  My 7yo son is ADHD.  Unfortunately our lives are not set up in a way to accomodate his needs well.  In the ideal world we'd have mom and dad with two 9-5 jobs, no travel, and the routine every day would be the same.  But we don't.  I have a 9-5 job but also travel.  DH works from home, goes to grad school PT, and also occasionally travels.  I feel like I am constantly harping on routine and trying to make things as consistent as possible and DH says he hears me but from my perspective is either fucking clueless or lazy or both.  I feel like I am ALWAYS the one trying to figure out the schedule for the week, keep things running smoothly and DH lives in his own world.  When we have weeks like this where he is in class on a Monday and traveling on Tuesday and Wednesday things devolve into a fucking nightmare when I try to hand off responsibility to him.  All week I've gotten both kids up and left the house by 7:30.  7yo goes to camp, baby goes to daycare.  No problems.  Today, I had an 8am meeting so asked DH to handle morning routine.  While he was happy to do it, he slept in until 8:15 and didn't get the kids out the door until 9.  EPIC. FUCKING. FAIL.  7yo devolves into a fit of mess - I don't want to go to camp!!! - which I ended up witnessing b/c I forgot something and met DH at camp after my meeting to get it from him.  Our son was crying hysterically, chasing him out the door.  Mortifying for him and for us.

Now, my perspective is that this is the result of the change in his routine.  DH thinks I am being unfair.  "I didn't know what you were doing all week!"  Um, okay.  He is aware that I can't just waltz into work at 10am, so to me it seems logical to me that he should have known I was getting the kids out the door much, much earlier than he did.  I've called you on your trip both days at 8:30 and communicated that I was on my way to work after dropping both kids off.  I feel like it's a catch-22.  If I try to tell him, hey, this is the routine/schedule, he acts like I'm being a controlling bitch.  If I don't tell him, I guess it's my fault that he didn't know how I'd been handling the routine all week.

To top it off I want to have 7yo tested for dyslexia.  DH thinks I am "overreacting."  To me he has all the hallmarks.  Reading below grade level.  Difficulty sounding out words and understanding that every letter makes specific sounds.  Difficulty spelling.  Constantly avoids reading and complains about how hard it is.  Difficulty remembering words he recently learned.  Difficulty recalling simple addition and subtraction math facts he has been practicing over and over and over all year long.  Letter reversals, transpositions, etc.  DH says "I didn't like school at his age," and "lots of kids his age struggle with this."  My perspective on that - who cares?  What he or I were like in school as kids is of no consequence.  I don't care about lots of kids.  I care about MY kid.  I just want to know one way or the other so we know what help he needs.

Gah!  What should I do?  My thought is that we need a meeting for the two of us every weekend where we plan out the coming week, the schedule, the routine, and chart it out visually so 7yo can understand it and knows what to expect.  But I suspect DH will do what he always does -  say yeah, great idea, and then not really follow through, end up leaving it all to me, and then making me feel like a control freak for trying to be the one who keeps it all together for the best interest of our kid.  I'm so fucking tired.  I'm tired of being the one who thinks about this shit all the time.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics