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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  I am the one who lives closest and I don't mind being the primary support person. (Not financially-my parents planned well for retirement). I benefitted from my kids enjoying seeing their grandparents often, grandparents babysitting etc, so I am happy to give back. My issue is the crap that comes with it. You know how sometimes as a kid you treat your mom poorly when you shouldn't? You might take things out on her by using a tone you shouldn't or you might be unappreciative and in teenage years hostile? Well all that is coming right back at me now that the tables are turned.

My mother can be downright nasty to me when stressed about my dad's health issues. (He just had surgery). I offer support (e.g. visiting so she can take a break, looking into to visiting nurses, etc) and one minute she berates me for being a "know it all" the next minute she is totally reliant on me to take over, then back to hostile. Yes, I think she too is aging, but cognitively I think she is sharp. She has always had a quick temper. Maybe the difference is I feel too guilty to call her on the nastiness because I know she feels really bad when she explodes and I know she has a lot of anxiety and he isn't any support.

My kids are tweens so I get this shit from both sides, but luckily my husband is supportive. Just typing this out makes me think I really need to refuse to tolerate the nastiness. I can help, but still expect respect. Anyone relate??

Oh and for anyone recommending therapy...no time for it. Would rather spend my money on a fancy smancy coffee at a café while I read a newspaper when I get time to myself and I have found exercise much more therapeutic than therapy in the past.[/quote] dear OP- you just described my mom about 18 months before she was diagnosed with dementia.  You might ask her to let you talk to her dr.[/quote]

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