Reply to How did you persuade your spouse they needed to get treated for their ADHD? Plus other issues.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Thank you PPs, for your responses.

To add more to the tableau, we have a tight budget and my husband insists on doing all the home maintenance and repairs himself, which take months and months of nagging and desultory work/running out for tools to be accomplished (think no A/C for the 3 hottest months of the year).

So basically he will refuse any solution that costs money, like a home maintenance company or a career coach, but he has an added gripe with the medication solution, since he is worried about side-effects (which I understand in the abstract).

Thank you PP for suggesting the "running list". I need to keep track of every important thing he should not have forgotten, to give him a picture of what our life could look like if he was more functional.

Keep the advice coming. I would love to hear from someone whose spouse was persuaded to get treatment, and how it changed their life (or not!).[/quote]

My spouse got treatment, took meds and got violent. Meds aren't the cure-all we'd like them to be sometimes. He switched to a counseling-only model of management. Unfortunately, he's really good at denying responsibility for his actions, and has told the counselor that, essentially, it's all my fault he is the way he is.

We're now separated.

Obviously, not all cases will play out this way. But if I had it to do over, I'd start with quietly gathering a list like PP described. Be as specific as you can, and list all the ways his forgetfulness, etc. impact you/your family. Just be prepared for him to blame you for "nagging" or being "controlling" or even allege that you're "abusive" for being endlessly frustrated with his failure(s) to coparent/partner effectively. [/quote]

I'm sorry, PP.

OP here.

Sadly, we have had anger situations like you describe, even without meds. It gets to really toxic proportions where he basically blackmails the family for weeks because he hasn't received an apology over something that was completely his fault, and there is no way we can convince him that 1. he's not assessing the situation rationally, and 2. blackmail is never a good option anyway.

If you don't mind sharing, what was the name of the medication your husband tried?

To another PP, Asperger's runs in his family, and I suspect he has tendencies in that direction, but there is no cure and no treatment. I'd like to take a shot at the treatable condition first.

[/quote]

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