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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to be VERY clear with her. Don't let her get you off track.

"Mom, I can't wait to see you (and stepdad) this holiday. But there is no way I can accommodate any other guests. I know you like to include other people, but I am not comfortable with this. Please do not invite anyone else."

If she presses you further you say, "If others are planning show up, I will gladly make a reservation for them at the local holiday inn."[/quote]

OP, you have to do this. Be very up front with her. Have you tried that in the past and she just wouldn't listen? Even if you have, you need to do it now. I would be sure to tell her both verbally and in an e-mail, if she does e-mail (or text). The wording by the PP above is great.

If you tell your mom this, and she argues or fusses or worse, says you're not showing the proper religious kindness or whatever, you need to stay cool but very firm. "Mom, I know that you feel that my NOT wanting extra guests is somehow not inclusive, but this is our home, and we have a young child now and I am not comfortable with hosting people I don't know. The fact that you are comfortable with them is fine but does not translate into MY having to be comfortable with people who are strangers to me. I hope you can understand. I am glad to have you and stepdad stay in the house but please do not bring anyone else with you. If someone else does come anyway, I will give them numbers for the local hotels. I want to spend time with you and have grandchild spend time with you."

Your mom is using the fact that she's a minister to guilt you into letting HER friends and relations stay with you. It's just amazing to me that she turns up from five hours away toting people you didn't know were coming-- how can you possibly have enough beds ready or enough food in the house, etc.? It's simply rude in the extreme but she will never see that, so smile and put on your sweetest voice when you tell her no extra guests, and stick to your guns if someone else turns up at the door with her. She's going to do the whole "Oh, I just knew that once you saw fifth-cousin Sally was with us, you'd let her stay!" with a big grin but you have to say, "Hi, Sally. I'm sorry but we don't have a bed for you this weekend since mom did not tell me you were coming. Here's my phone and I've just dialed the Holiday Inn a half mile from here." When mom huffs and puffs about how she knows you have X bedrooms or a roll-out bed or whatever, say, "Sorry, mom, but the rollout isn't an option/the second guest room is full of stuff right now/whatever."

Your mom will guilt you like mad or get angry. Be READY for that, OP, and be ready to have her storm off or accuse you of being a horrible person. Just be prepared with what you'll say and do. Don't cave.[/quote]

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