Reply to I need help accepting the relationship my ILs have w our children

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "I need help accepting the relationship my ILs have w our children"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I don't know where to start, so please bear with me.  A part of this is a vent - part of it is asking for books, resources, therapists for how to come to terms with the relationship.

My MIL and FIL live about 6 hours away. They are both retired in their late 60s and in decent health.  Over the last 2 years their visits have gotten less frequent and shorter.  They were in for the weekend for a major milestone for my DD and instead of coming in on Friday like they traditionally do, they arrived Saturday at 6PM.  They visited Sat night for about 2 hours, attended the milestone event Sunday and post celebration.  Went back to hotel Sunday around 7:30 PM and did not stop by this morning before getting on the road.

My children were disappointed.  When I picked them up from school on Friday they ran asking if they were here yet and I told them no - they are coming tomorrow.  Clearly since they arrived at 6PM on Sat - they did not hit the road 1st thing as if they did they would have arrived much earlier.  My ILs even commented on how light the traffic was for the drive.  I found out later the reason for the delay was they needed to help out my SIL.

I can't mention it to my husband b/c every time I do his response is that his dad has mental health issues which limit his ability.  I am not sure what abilities they impact b/c my FIL takes care of my SILs children.  (In the morning gets the kids up, breakfast and off to the school bus and in the afternoon he meets the school bus).  So if there were serious concerns, he would not  (should not) be responsible for3 kids each day.  [my bil and sil both have good jobs, nice new cars, the children are always in nice clothes and the can afford to pay for a babysitter but my FIL always volunteers]

So why do I care?  The relationship / interaction my children have with these grandparents is going down.  We visit them at least 2 times a year for a week each visit - but inevitably when we visit the other cousin's are around and the grand parents pay attention to them.  [example - my FIL was playing a board game with my DS over Christmas vacation.  My niece woke up from her nap and at the 1st peep in the baby monitor my FIL ran up the stairs to get her.  It is not as if it was a safety issue, the child was in her own bed and her parent's were in the room with the rest of us and also heard the cries.  By the time my FIL came back down, my 5 YO left the game as he got tired waiting]

I guess I expected that my IL's would treat all of the grand kids similarly.  For example - for another grandchild who also lived 6 hours away, they went to every dance recital, birthday party, and mini-milestone (K graduation ceremony).  For the school play for my children (DS has a major role) they can't make it.  So there are definitely elements of jealously that I need to deal with.

I need to just embrace frozen and sing in my head "Let it Go" but it really bothers me and no matter how much I try to just come to terms that this is what it is, it is not working.

If anyone has techniques for dealing with similar issue I would love to hear it.

Thanks for letting me vent. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics