Reply to Parents' money, and favoritism / greed (vent?)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just need to get this off my chest, and if you think I need a swift kick in the rear, feel free.  I have never cared what my parents do with their money: not my business.  I also have honestly, truly never cared that they give more support to my sister (including buying her a house) because she needs more.  Recently my parents badly mishandled a real estate transaction and I am so angry about the whole thing.  I'm sorry to say I am greedy for the money they are wasting.

My parents are working class Boomers who believe real estate is the path to wealth and success.  They've been able to leverage the huge gains on their primary residence (bought cheap 40 years ago in a booming area) to buy more property.  In addition to their primary residence, they own:
1. A vacation home.  They don't use it much, and keep talking about renting it out but they never will.
2. A rental unit.  They paid too much for it, partly because they fell in love with it and partly because my sister was in a bad living situation and they saw this as a solution that would bring in income later.  She lived there rent-free for some years, and they only recently turned it into a positive cash flow.  
3. An inexpensive house they bought for my sister to rent from them.  This house will need work in the future.

We talk about their estate planning (they bring it up) and what will happen to the properties when they die.  I have always told them to do what they want, but that I would not be moving into any of the properties because I live out of state.  My sister wants the vacation home but can't afford to maintain it, so it would probably be sold also.  I always thought the rental unit would be a nice property to inherit but I didn't say anything: I [used to?] believe they should use their money in the way that makes them happy while they are alive.

They sold house #2, the rental, last week.  They should not have sold at all, as it was too soon after purchase and they had renters bringing in income -- they sold for emotional reasons and because they want to buy a second vacation home, which they say they will rent out part of the time (I'll believe that when I see it).  In selling, they had poor representation, didn't pay attention, didn't read the contract, etc., and ended up shafted.  They are upset and complain to me about it.  They still plan to take the reduced proceeds and buy the vacation home, which I predict will be an underused money pit.  I'm not sure they realize that their loss was stupid and entirely avoidable: they seem to think it was just bad fortune that they "had to" sell now and didn't understand what they were doing.

My child (their only grandkid) and my spouse and I live in a modest home, which I bought with no help.  We'd like a bigger place and I legitimately think this region would be a better investment for my parents, but I understand I shouldn't expect them to finance my bigger house.  I floated the investment idea once and did not get a good reaction: they would much prefer I move back closer to them, so it would gall them to buy a place here.  I do ask for contributions to my child's college fund; my parents give a little at Christmas but not much.

They are intensely jealous of and insecure about my in-laws, who my parents perceive as wealthy and higher-class.  They think we / grandkid will like my in-laws better because my in-laws moved to this area to be near us and help us, and give us gifts and money toward the college fund.  My parents complain to me that they can't afford to visit as much, give as much, etc., so they feel inadequate as compared to my in-laws.  It has never bothered me until now and I've always reassured them.  But right now I am recognizing that they absolutely could afford to see us a lot more, give a lot more toward college, etc.  We're just not their priority.  Their priority is stupid, mismanaged real estate investments.

I don't think it was wrong to help my sister, but right now I am wishing they'd help me as much.  I feel like this is money my family and especially my child could benefit from, and it's being wasted.  And I also feel terrible about being greedy, because of course it's their money to waste.

I don't really have a question, but if you have reactions I'm interested in hearing them.  Thanks!

[/quote]

OP's parents bought [assume have no mortgage now] their primary home, a vacation place, plus 2 rental properties.  Those 2 rental properties were used as housing for 2 of their 3 children.  1 of the rental properties is still occupied by 1 of the 3 children.  The other rental property has been sold and the was vacated by 1 of the 3 children and rented to tenants.

As a parent of young adults I view those 2 rental properties used by 2/3 of the children as places for which I otherwise would have been paying rent.   So selling one at a loss might not be as great a loss since there were not rent expenditures.  If the vacation house is in a location where it doesn't get much use I'd sell it.

For example if we bought a house in the Outer Banks it would not be used as much as if we bought in Bethany, Rehoboth, or Lewes.  ie for Memorial Day weekend people could drive down Thurs - relax for 3 days and drive back very early Sunday am.  less than 50% of the drive time to NC.  If all of OP's parent's real estate activity is too far to benefit OP then perhaps she needs to speak up about her living situation and the parent's would also help her out.

ie gift cash when OP finds a larger place so parents coud have a BR with private bath for when they visit the only grandchild who I assume is a plane ride away.  So I would sell the unused vacation house unless the parents are retiring and perhaps planning to live in it.[/quote]

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