Reply to Do we need to mail wedding gifts to 1st cousins? (Not attending)

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[quote=Anonymous]This is exactly me but I'm on the other side.  Huge family with lots of first cousins. The oldest is like 15 years older than me (and many are 10-15 yrs younger)  I was in her wedding as a junior bridesmaid 20 years ago. I attended her baby shower, her kids' early birthdays, etc.   As their family unit became more established, they pulled away (probably naturally) from the rest of the family, as did many of the other cousins.  Extended family Christmas died as people had too many in laws of their own to wrangle and schedules got more complicated. Again- all normal and I get it, but as someone who would have still loved to all get together, it did make me a little sad.  Within the past few years, this cousin decided that she has too many first cousins and isn't attending any family events. I'm sure it's because she, like OP, is a bit overwhelmed at the number of gifting occasions and time obligations for people she doesn't feel close to (there is a nearly 30 year age gap between oldest and youngest cousins-- in fact, older cousins' kids are the same ages as younger cousins).  When I got married, only one of my 14 cousins on my mothers side came to the wedding (which granted, required travel for them).  All but 1 of the cousins on my dads side came (they also had to travel).  I was very disappointed-- yes, as OP noted, I didn't technically give them my own gift when some of them got married, and "only" signed the family card, but for most of my childhood, every family event revolved around the older cousins-- graduations, etc.  I've always thought it was totally shitty that the older cousins got all the attention and then peaced out of family obligations.  Even though I now live across the country from my whole family and can rarely make it to the baptisms and whatnot, I send a gift every. Single. Time.  I have two high school graduation cards-- with checks-- ready to be mailed as we speak. 
The short answer is that if you're invited to a wedding, you send a gift.  My long answer is that there are many types of gifts, not all of which are monetary, and the gift of time and attention that you may have received as an older cousin should not be discounted simply because younger cousins didn't write you a personal check. And just because you don't feel close to them doesn't mean they don't feel close to you.  I bet there are friends you don't see for years but still love-- the same is true of family. [/quote]

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