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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She should stick it out if she can.  Her child will suffer.  She can give hard consequences etc. but the best future for the kid is having a clean dad and a dad in the picture.  Not dead, addicted or absent.
She can't be a doormat, but should try again[/quote]

I agree.  I was in a similar situation a few years ago.  My husband was always employed, and getting back to work has been a big motivator for him.  But we had been married for three years, two little kids, he had been a jerk for a year or so, and I find out he has an IV opiate addiction.  We did what your friend is doing.  Couldn't afford rehab, so he did outpatient care.  He relapsed.  I don't even know how long he was sober.  I was in such denial about the whole thing.  Two years later, it came up again.  This time he lost his job, and we were forced to take it seriously. We had three kids by then.  He went to rehab.  I had to tell a lot of people because he was gone, I had to go back to work, and I needed help with the kids.  
Rehab was a life changing experience for him.  Not only did he get sober (and he has remained sober...I ask him to test sometimes as does his job), but he became a much better husband and father.  He works on his anger now, never yells at the kids or me, and is really back to being the guy I fell in love with.  He has been sober for four years now, and we have a really great family.
At the time everyone found out, my friends and family told me to divorce him, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do.  Like your friend, I was exhausted.  But I also thought there was a chance that all of the really hard stuff, all the living with his addiction, was over, and if I made it through that, I could make it through recovery.  Also, the kids needed their dad, and he had a much better chance of making it if we stayed married.  I told him that I would give him one chance.  That I was not going to be in a relationship where he was always keeping secrets from me, and we were fighting and begging him to get sober.  It was scary for those first couple of years.  I knew that at any point, he could come home and tell me that he had used, and that would be it.  
But now I am so glad that I am with him.  He is a great husband and a wonderful father (we have five kids now).  My friends and parents who suggested divorce at the time agree now that it wasn't the right decision.  
My best wishes to your friend.  If he is serious about quitting, she should think about giving him a chance.  It maybe the turning point in their marriage.[/quote]

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