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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I fully expect to be ripped apart for this but I have to vent somewhere.

My SIL is infertile and its been 15 years of everyone's lives revolving around this fact. (DH's brother's wife)

I have compassion for her, I do. I have no idea what it is to be in her shoes. But if I don't get some of this out I am going to explode on her and that is the last thing I want to do.

Every holiday, every child's birthday, every special event she finds some way to bring up her struggle and make everyone feel guilty for enjoying a milestone. Also she can't just pass on an event she has to send out an mass email about how it is just too traumatic for her to keep attending these events with no regard for her current situation. But if she doesn't get invited you'll get another mass email about how she is being excluded because she is infertile. Every single thing is damned if you do damned if you don't.

They have asked for money from DH's parents for treatments. When DH's parents finally said they couldn't afford more it got so ugly. Christmas Eve before church she blew up and said "Well they have their grandchildren and they don't want to pay for any more." Then she started sobbing and physically pushed me and then pounded on my chest screaming about why do I get children and she doesn't.

DHs parents cashed in retirement after that and paid for the last of their IVF. Now they are talking about donors and surrogates and more money. DH's brother borrowed money from us twice to save their home from foreclosure.[b] When is enough going to be enough?[/b]

She goes after my DH's sister and her wife as well. Any chance she gets to put a dig in. They get it especially bad because their IUI worked three times. To the point where a week after the birth of her last baby my DH's sister's wife was sobbing at a little family party we were having. Saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry" because SIL had gone after her about flaunting the baby in her face. The party was for the baby's homecoming!

My ten year old son was in a car accident recently. He is fine but he needed emergency surgery and the experience was terrifying. A few hours into waiting and I'm not sure what the context was but I hear my SILs voice say "Yea well at least she has children. You know he'll be fine she's got all the luck." I am not a violent person but I have never wanted to punch someone in face so badly. My FIL heard it and he jumped up and told his son to get her out of there. She started in with "Oh sorry sorry, its the infertile no filter thing" Right now I don't ever want to speak to her or see her again.

But I'll have to. She is family. And none of us can be happy or sad or celebratory or scared without being reminded that her suffering is worse. We can't buy new things without being told about their need for money and how frivolous we are.

This has been escalating since I met DH. The last five years have become nearly unbearable. I understand that [b]I will never understand what she is doing through but I don't understand why she has to make everyone as miserable as possible any chance she gets[/b].[/quote]

On the slim chance this is actually real ( I have a strong feeling you are the author of my SIL is mean to my baby)

You don't get to determine this. You don't get to even wonder about it.

You don't get to decide what other family members do with their money or their relationship with them.

You can choose how much time you spend with her and her BIL.  You can choose how much money you are willing to help them with.

Your SIL is hurting. Hurting people react in a variety of ways. Some become reclusive, some become bitter an nasty, and some reach out to others.  You really don't have to understand it. You just need to choose how you will react to it.

[/quote]

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