Reply to Did you steal from family as a teen?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe it is related to why she was living with you. Was she spoiled and sent to you for a grand adventure? Was she troubled and sent away as punishment? Was she here for school and under pressure to perform? Was it an enormous sacrifice for her family and she found herself surrounded by excess and luxury? How are we supposed to know the why if you experienced the event and you have no clue? Ask yourself one question though; if her parents had no prior experience with this behavior, why would they believe you? Most parents would deny deny and deny some more before paying for anything based on an accusation and no real loss of goods.[/quote

This was my thought, too: Maybe she was sent to live with you at least in part because her family felt she needed something -- maybe a trip to shake up a teen who was -- what, exactly? Complacent, spoiled, academically tanking at home, no longer listening to her parents? Maybe she did steal because she saw a higher standard of living and was resentful and simply wanted what she saw; or maybe she was sincerely floundering and upset and this gave her control. Lots of maybes.

It's very commendable that you do want to figure out the "why" even though she is now gone, but in the end her parents have to be the ones to deal with it. And it sounds as if they did not -- you are the one (rightly, I think) wanting a list of what she took and a plan for restitution and a real apology to the whole family; her parents should be the ones wanting and requiring that of her even more than you are. Are they? If they were only shocked about the news, but did nothing about the stealing, even from abroad, did they at least Skype with her or phone her and you, and tell you some form of discipline to use? If not,then they have a larger problem on their hands. They may want simply to forget it happened and she will never be made to face up to it. If you are close to the parents, and they are not putting up walls and denying what she did, then you should let them know that you are concerned for her (because I think you are, based on the tone of the post). But in the end, if they do not discipline her, you can't do it from afar. It's sad -- not the stealing itself so much as the thought that she just didn't seem to think it was wrong.[/quote]

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