Reply to ILs who drive me nuts want to come post baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Praying my son (only 8) meets an accommodating wife in the future. I know you say your in laws are messy but it seems in laws can't do right for doing wrong on this board. If it's not one thing it's the other. 
I've had 4 kids (3 births) and each time I've known it would give both sets of parents so much joy to share the process with us. It's 1-2 weeks in your life. It is a stressful, yes (try doing it with 31 week premie twins and a 32 wk premie-my first). There are just some things in life that you grin and bear for the joy of others. 
I was beyond discombobulated, particularly with the twins, and still battling the effects of pre-eclampsia, ugh, but I smiled through the whole process knowing they were just so chuffed to be with their new grandchildren and that "this too shall pass". If you want to limit the time actually spent with them, have them come during your confinement and have your husband bring in a cleaner on the day before you arrive from hospital,  And perhaps weekly until everything calms down.
Trust me, I know it's hard but "big picture" and congratulations on the soon to be new arrival.[/quote]

Responding to this because it does seem like you are a caring person who would probably be a great MIL since you think about the feelings of others (OP here). Somehow I do not think that people like you are the MILs you hear about on this board! I had a long term relationship before my DH and got along fabulously with my boyfriend's parents- they would have been amazing in laws. I think a lot about the in law relationship (whether dealing with a DIL or a SIL) just has to do with common courtesy, good manners and social cues. It's not shocking that I don't want them near my home when I have to literally follow them around cleaning up as they sit and stare at me. Or that I don't want them coming for the birth of my second child when they threw a fit about not having 24/7 access to baby the first time around, to the point that the LC had to ask them to please leave my hospital room. It's a give and take. If they were normal, polite people with boundaries and an understanding of social norms, there would be no problem. But with things as they are?  I would not get along with them if they were my coworkers, neighbors, or the people in front of me in line at the grocery store. And I do think this goes both ways- my own mother is a total pain in the ass most of the time and my DH doesn't get along with her either. No surprise there! If people would just act normally, or even fake acting normally, their daughters and sons in law wouldn't hate them![/quote]

Well said, OP. It sounds like you know what you are dealing with and can deal accordingly.

What does your DH say? I think having them come for one brief hospital visit and then a weekend around 6-10 weeks is probably your best bet. [/quote]

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