Reply to Sister can't get over my miscarriage

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[quote=Anonymous]My sister and I are not incredibly close, but have gotten to be closer over the years, especially since we’ve had children.  We text or message each other maybe once a week at the most.  She’s always been a little obsessed with my DD.  When I called her to tell her I was having a girl, she started crying (even though she was apparently in a store line at the time), and has always made little jokes about wanting to steal her, get her ears pierced, take her out shopping and pretend she’s the real mom, etc.  A little weird, but my sister is a girly girl and has 3 boys, so while I didn’t like it, it didn’t bother me enough to tell her to stop.  I wish she was as interested in my DS, but she doesn’t ignore him or anything.

Anyway, this past year, I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks.  It was devastating.  My sister was supportive, but I tend to want to be alone/grieve privately when sad things happen.  DH is the same.  I had to have a D&C, and while we appreciated others checking in to see if we needed anything, we pretty much declined any offers for help, hid out for a little while, and grieved together.  My sister, though, kept texting and calling, wanting to talk about it, even after I told her I didn’t really want to, that we were just taking our time, etc.  She kept insisting that I needed to talk about and needed to grieve.  I tried to tell her, “Yes, I understand, and that’s what I’m doing.  In my own way.”  Eventually she tapered off, and life went on.

Lately, she has brought it up again.  A few weeks ago we were at a family event, and she started telling me about my mom’s reaction to my miscarriage, which was apparently less than supportive (basically, we should not be so upset about the loss because we have two healthy kids and many people don’t have that).  My sister also told me that she (my sister) “cried for days,” and even now “starts crying out of the blue” over it.  It just feels very weird and uncomfortable, and it doesn’t even seem like she’s doing this to make me feel better.  She’s just talking about how it affects her, like she wants me to comfort her.

The worst was this weekend, when she sent me this Scarymommy article that was super-creepy, about a friend mourning another friend’s miscarriage, because she had already made all these future plans about her friend’s child, and was devastated that it wasn’t going to happen.  I sort of get it, but again, why are you telling me this?  I’m the one that had the miscarriage, remember?  Finally, along with the article, she messaged me and said, basically, “I know you didn’t find out the sex, but I decided that she was a girl, and I think you would have named her Larla.  I’ll always love our little Larla.”  I was just… dumbfounded.  I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t.  DH and I had privately assigned a sex and name to our child, and kept it to ourselves.  And no, it wasn’t Larla.

I don’t know where to go from here.  I want her to stop with all this, but I know if I say something now, she’s already done so much that she might be embarrassed.  I also don’t want to act like I’m “over” the miscarriage, because I’m not.  I just don’t want to discuss it anymore, maybe never.  We are still trying to have another baby, which my sister is also moderately obsessed with, to that point that she’s told me “Every time I see your number pop up, I automatically assume you have news for me!”  Talk about pressure!

How can I get her to shut up about this without being a jerk?
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