Reply to I am so angry at my husband-- how do you handle silent withdrawal?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I am so angry at my husband-- how do you handle silent withdrawal?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I love my husband very much but right this minute I am furious at him. He has, for t he umpteenth time, just gone utterly silent and non-communicative when I say or do something that bothers him. He won't say he's mad, or confused, or hurt, or embarrassed, or anything. He just stops speaking. Minimal eye contact. Communicated only by shrugging or looking away.

Damn it. It makes me crazy. We had a great day -- happy and full of laughter and affection. Then, during a cheerful conversation, i said something that obviously stung him: I said, very lightly, that he probably shouldn't make a certain  joke in front of our kids and their friends, because one of the kids might take it the wrong way. (I dont mean a sexual joke, just black humor). It wasn't a big deal-- I didn't say it angrily-- I actually said it with a smile, since I get his sense of humor but know that not everyone would.

And he just... Shut down. Mouth shut. Pout.

Me: uh oh. Are you annoyed at me?  
Him: (Stoney silence) 
Me: hey, sweetheart. (Reach out to touch his arm)
Him (no response. Maintains stoney silence) 
Me: it bugged you when I said that? 
Him (looks at ceiling)
Me: sweetheart, I know you're just kidding. I just worry that not everyone will get your sense of humor. 
Him (silence)
Me: well, i love you. (Kiss his forehead)
Him (no response; looks past me like I dont exist)

This goes on for another minute or two. I finally said, "okay, I'm going to take a showe" and left him alone.  Half an hour later I said, "sweetheart, I'm going to go to bed. Are you coming up?" No reply.

For fuck's sake.

How should I handle this? It first confuses me, then hurts my feelings, then leaves me feeling angry: I feel like I'm being treated like a non-person. Whateve i did or said, whether he was justified in his annoyance or not, it just feels so undermining to have him completely shut me out like that. No "hey I'm annoyed, here's why," no "look, I'm annoyed but dont want to discuss it right now," no nothing.

He usually eventually returns to normal and apologizes-- when he is not in a funk he says he knows this is not a good way to handle things but he can't break out of it. But sometimes it takes hours and evwn days for him to get out of silent mode.

Advice?[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics