Reply to Daughter having panic attacks- advice please!!

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you have an opportunity here to get her help sooner rather than later; please don't miss that opportunity.

Two things in the original post were red flags to me.

I'm not sure why you refer to waiting for a "summer group" for her to work on her anxiety-- do you mean group therapy in the summer only? Why wait until then? Are you concerned that adding therapy or counseling to her life at this time will create more stress somehow? It shouldn't, if you get a good therapist or counselor who is experienced at working with kids her age. And a group setting may or may not be right for her - a professional needs to determine that.  I don't see why waiting for summer is somehow preferable to getting her evaluated and possibly seeing someone now, rather than later.

I also note that you mention she's at the starting end of puberty. That can affect a kid's reactions to things, of course, and as a parent of a teen girl,  I've seen it happen - but not to the point of actual, diagnosable panic attacks. Please take care not to buy into the idea (which I see a lot on parenting forums here and elsewhere) of "It's hormones kicking in" as a way to downplay girls' emotions. I know you don't mean to do that, OP! But I've also known well-meaning parents who thought that girls' emotional issues or mental health issues were "just hormones, we need to just ride it out" for too long before realizing that there were other issues in play.

The fact that she says this is "ruining her life" sounds like it's just preteen drama to us adults, and it may be. Or it may be the tip of the iceberg. My DD has a friend she's known since preschool (now they're high schoolers) and what were dismissed as just hormones and drama in this girl have turned out to be serious mental health issues requiring ongoing treatment. I'm not saying that every girl your DD's age who has tough times is on the road to years of therapy! I'm just noting that when a kid is having anxiety bad enough to cause panic attacks, it's time to get a professional on board to assess things and start giving your child coping skills. You sound very open to getting your DD help, for sure -- just please don't wait.

Do ensure that you also have the school counselor and your DD's classroom teachers in the loop too. And if your DD clicks with the school counselor, find out if the counselor will meet with her to work on skills to handle her feelings in the situations that may come up at school. But I would not let the school counselor replace the idea of seeing whatever outside mental health professional is appropriate to get your DD evaluated and maybe into talk therapy. [/quote]

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