Reply to Hate my mooching ILs...what should I do?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Hate my mooching ILs...what should I do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I can definitely sympathize with your situation. You have a few options in how to deal with it.

I think the ideal path forward is getting on the same page with your husband and presenting a united front. That may look like a policy of "we will ensure you don't go hungry, but we no longer provide direct cash transfers" but you make your time & effort available to help them navigate signing up for food stamps, applying for senior living, etc. If they refuse your help or insist on an apartment they can't afford, then that's the final stop on the gravy train. When/if they get into a bind and call your husband to pay their rent, you don't - but you might arrange for groceries to be delivered over the next month and pay the grocer directly. I'm just giving an example here.

A less ideal option, but one that is better than divorce - decide between yourself & DH how much of his income you're willing to consider as no longer "ours" but instead, exclusively his. Let him keep that designated amount of funds aside in a separate account. When his parents call him, he's free to disburse as much from that side account as he feels moved to, but when that account empties, there is no dipping into the pooled family accounts. Perhaps that amount will be 5% of whatever he makes, or perhaps it will be a capped dollar amount. This is obviously less ideal, but if he has this unhealthy enabling dynamic with them that it's not realistic to expect him to break anytime soon, then this policy at least contains the impact on your family - and you hopefully can be less resentful about it because you know exactly how much it is and you would have agreed to no longer consider it "ours." Plenty of couples have arrangements like this - the bulk of their salary is pooled "family" money, but a small side pot is separate and not subject to consensus-based decisions. Usually this is more for expensive hobbies, but no reason it couldn't be applied here as well.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics