Reply to Tell me about your teen getting to the other side of depression and/or suicidal talk?

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, so sorry to hear you are going through this.  I know how hard it is to watch your child sink into depression.  As parents, we can see the other side and we want our children to listen to us and do the things they need to do to get to the other side but we can't make them do it.

My daughter was in therapy with a good counselor in 8th and 9th grade but she still got to the point where she was suicidal and her counselor recommended hospitalizing her.  That was the worst day of my life.  I had always expected any child of mine would probably need therapy but I was supposed to have done things better than my parents did and the idea that I would have to hospitalize my child made me feel like a failure.

However, it turned out to be the best thing we ever could have done.  First she got on medication and second it was like therapy boot camp.  It was a wake up call for everyone in the family.  (This was Dominion Hospital which had an excellent program for adolescents.) The medication helped her immediately but it took many years and a lot of work before she was out of the woods.  There were other crises as well but now she is graduating from college and has a good friendship network through various support groups so I am confident in her ability to weather any future crises.

But there were many years, especially while she was in high school, that I finally understood how my own mother felt about my adolescent depression.  You want your child to be happy so it will alleviate your own anxiety but that makes it about you and not them.  You can try to take your child by the hand and drag them through it but the child just experiences it as forcing them to do something that feels unbearable.  They feel horrible and, based on their experience of life so far, who wouldn't?  They need help from a professional to find the tools they can use to escape the darkness they're trapped in.

I'm afraid I'm rambling on but anyway, one thing I learned from my own descent into depression as an adolescent - it's horrible to be depressed as a teen but having a crisis and working through it when you're young can make you a stronger adult.  It forces you to get help and once you do and see the results, you are not afraid to get help when  you need it as an adult.  A lot of folks make it through adolescence without a crisis and sometimes they don't address the things they need to address as adults because they're managing okay.  It's harder in some respects to change the way you think when you're older - but if you've had to get through this when you're young, well, you are less likely to accept a life that is unnecessarily painful.

Anyway, hope this helps a little.  I wish you and your family the best and hope that in the years to come this day will just be a distant memory that you have moved far beyond.  Good luck![/quote]

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