Reply to End of Life Care/ Getting Affairs in Order

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[quote=Anonymous]I'll try to post more tomorrow. Disclosure: I work P/T for hospice.

If a doctor is suggesting hospice, then it IS time for hospice. Doctors wait way too long before having this conversation. The patient is often unable to take advantage of the support that could have been provided had they gone on hospice a few weeks earlier. When there is enough time, the process of this final journey can be beautiful, in spite of the utter exhaustion of it for all family caregivers. The average stay on hospice is less than 8 days in my state. It's barely enough time to get the patient comfortable medically at home.There is no time to have some of the conversations that could make this a peaceful and meaningful time for all, as the body and mind are already shutting down. Early referral is a good thing. If you keep on living or get better or decide to go back to curative treatment, well, then you "graduate" from hospice. That happens!

The hospice social worker and nurses will be able to give you a sense of what to expect as life comes to a close. They do not provide the round the clock care (you'll need to hire help for that if it exceeds what you can do), but the nurses come daily toward the end. The social worker will help with questions you have now, and the ones you think of later. They can contact the funeral home and make the arrangements that you want. The chaplain can assist with emotional support for all generations in the family. 90% of what these chaplains do is not specifically "religious," unless that is requested by the family. Hospice volunteers can provide much needed respite. Our hospice has a massage therapist and a music therapist that can come to the house.

The Op's questions are very appropriate and are consistent with what we see with our most functional families. There is usually one or two relatives (not necessarily genetically related to the patient) who are able to step up, ask questions, gather information, and help move things forward in an emotionally draining time for all. It takes a village, and not every adult son or daughter is able to cope. A daughter in law with compassion and helpfulness, like OP, is very valuable to the team effort. I cannot emphasize enough that this will be a team effort.

If I think of more, I'll post tomorrow. For now, OP, blessings to you and your father-in-law as you begin the process of allowing his life to come to a peaceful close.[/quote]

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