Reply to My neighbors think I'm an abused wife

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "My neighbors think I'm an abused wife"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]You are concerned with OTHER PEOPLE who are OUTSIDE of your marriage. You did not state that your husband actually abuses you in any specific way. You simply said that he lost his temper because he was under pressure. You are making this into a giant issue almost like you are having some anxiety attack and spinning this incident far into the future and it is making you feel helpless.

A few thoughts.

1. When I was in college I had a period where I would feel anxiety during tests and start thinking about all the consequences of my potential failure and it lead to me not being able to focus on the now and get finished with my tests. What you describe sounds similar in nature. That is an internal problem you need to fix.

2. How old is your husband? Is he attempting to advance his career, take care of bills at home, plan for the future, start a family? The reason I ask is that many men in their early years (20's and 30's) experience an insane amount of stress about being a provider for a family and they are overwhelmed. In effect they are at about 90% of their stress threshold most of the time and small things set them off. (Not necessarily justifying... but that is the way it is) This mellows out (for most) as they (1) get accustomed to being a provider (2) get the whole situation under control (i.e. build up some savings, get some debt paid off (school loads, cars) (3) reach a point in their career where they feel they have accomplished something.

3. I personally do not think that his losing his temper necessarily makes him an abuser. I'm sure there are those on this site who will disagree (but they also feel its ok to throw water in their husbands face... but he better not lose his temper).

4. There are those who will disagree... I really believe that one way to help diffuse his outbursts is to SIDE WITH HIM not other people. It will only add more stress to him if he thinks you are judging him. He already feels pressure about how he is providing things and if you pile on about his temper that's just going to give him one more thing to be stressed about. Just show him you are on his team.

5. I really don't expect you to really get what I've just explained. I also fully expect the DCUM crowed to really blast me.

Signed.... a guy that has mellowed out a lot from my early 20s who was known for his outbursts and now is known for his calmness in adverse situations.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics