Reply to thoughts on telling older child you're doing IVF?

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[quote=Anonymous]That is tough OP.

I have a friend with an only child who is a daughter and they have a similar dynamic where the daughter feels the right to know everything that is going on and is way too immersed in adult issues.  She will tell me that she must tell her daughter X,Y,Z because otherwise the daughter's feelings will be hurt and she will be upset.  It always sounds to me more like they are girlfriends, rather than mother/daughter.   I don't know if you're in this position with your daughter, but the dynamic sounds similar to me.  I can certainly understand how a relationship would get this way and how hard it is to backtrack suddenly at age 11.

All that said, I don't think your daughter should know about your IVF.  It's too much for her and it will make it impossible for you to maintain any privacy.  You're the adult.  You're going through this.  Not her.  She thinks she wants to know everything, but she doesn't.  She's a kid.  Let her be one.

I like the PP's suggestion about doing the shots at say 10am and 10pm.  Once you do them a few times, it's very fast.  As for leaving early for monitoring, tell her you have work commitments.  That your daughter would comment on bloating is honestly a bit weird.  I guess wear baggy shirts.  And then tell her that commenting on other people's slight weight gain isn't socially acceptable.

And on the emotional front, hold it together in front of her.  Period.  On some level, you will probably be relieved that you have to do that.  It will make it easier to just carry on with regular life while you're going through everything.

Good luck.

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