Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There will be times you are resentful because you feel you are "sharing" your family. Resources for your kids will be diverted to his. You may not get a say in how they're used. The wife can and will call at times you would rather she not. Sometimes she will drive you nuts and you'll have to just smile and shut your mouth because what's he supposed to do about it? It may be hard at first to feel connected to the kids. It was for me. I love my stepson now but the first few years were so much harder than I thought. It was trying to be around someone else's kid so much and have to love him like my own while also having no real say on so much. Is it worth it? Yes. Will it break you down and force you to become a different, bigger, more accepting person? Yes. Is it difficult? Very. [/quote]

+1 -- basically you're taking on at least some of  the responsibility of being a parent without the inherent joy of being a parent.

Money can be an issue, even if you don't think it would be - if he's paying child support does he complain bitterly about it, does his ex constantly ask for more, have they addressed how college is paid for?

I didn't think money would be an issue, but my H didn't have the guts to have a 'what can we afford' discussion with his ex before their D applied for college, and now he maybe on the hook for a lot more tuition than he thought because he doesn't want to be the bad guy.

One of the multiple reasons I continued to work after I had our child was that I didn't want to rely on him to support us, just in case.

Time is another issue -- you may never be able to say when YOU want to go on summer break, and it may always be dictated by the ex and stepkids' schedules.

And you may never feel the same way about your stepkids as you do about your own.  Particularly if they are older when you meet them and their mom is still closely involved in their lives.  And that's OK.

Yes, you have to be kind and respectful and put their NEEDS first, and sometimes their wants, just like you would with your 'own' kid(s), but don't let anyone guilt you into feeling like you have to FEEL the same way about them.  You may, hey that's great, or you may not.   No one would expect kids to feel the same way about their stepmom as their mom.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics