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[quote=Anonymous]I have a family member who recently had many rough years involving substance abuse, mental illness and the only constant was telling lie after lie. Yes, I know that's par for the course with substance abuse, especially.  Throughout it all I tried to be supportive without enabling, but it was pretty tough. We never knew what to believe. This whole time period lasted around 10 years.

The family member has been doing better recently, which is great to see. What's been difficult for me is just moving past it all. The family member has never acknowledged what they put the family through and just wants to pretend the past 10 years haven't happened. I do understand why that might be easier for them, but it's been more difficult for me. I find myself holding them at arm's length. In the past whenever someone called them out on anything, they would use it as an excuse to relapse and blame it on the person who said something that wasn't 100% sunshine and rainbows. I'm not saying I want to call them out--just that I don't know how to go along with pretending all of this never even happened.

I know I can't control anyone's actions besides my own. I do want to have a relationship with this person, but I can't seem to just pretend the past 10 years haven't happened. How can I approach this?          [/quote]

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