Reply to When does picky eating become abnormal or a eating disorder? 13yo

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey, I wanted to get some feedback about my SS who is 13yo. He lives with his mom and visits us regularly. We don't have any other kids and while I don't think his eating is normal, maybe I don't understand the range of normal. We had assumed he would grow out of his picky eating but there hasn't been very significant improvement over the 7 years I've known him. And BTW,I am aware of the limits of my step-mom role -- basically I just advise/influence my H.

The kid eats approx 20 items in limited combinations.

Fruits: NONE
Vegetables: ONLY the following- Green beans, lima beans, corn, peas, tomato sauce/ketchup.
Dairy: Cheese and ice cream, milk only if it is flavored chocolate (NO yogurt, etc)
Meat: Mainly ground beef. Chicken in chicken nugget format ONLY. Will try slices of steak and pork, but won't eat much of that. NO eggs. NO fish/seafood. Nothing else.
Carbs: White flour stuff (bread, tortillas, pancakes) pasta, rice, oatmeal, popcorn, chips.

So anyway, obviously this limits what I can make for him when he's with us -- usually tacos, meatballs, cheeseburgers. I used to be more motivated about hiding veggies (making veg puree and putting it in the meatballs, for example) or making him try new things. BTW, "trying new things" isn't as exciting as it sounds. It seemed like a MAJOR WIN to us when he started liking pizza! Even though he was eating bread, tomato sauce and cheese already, he did not like it in combination until a couple years ago. And of course, no toppings.

I think stuff like: If he likes green beans and peas, he should def like edamame or sugar snap peas! But I give it a try and he will not even touch/look at the unfamiliar veg.

I find this frustrating and depressing ... Food to me is so much about family and relationships and love and special occasions, and it makes me sad we can never share food with him like that. Making dinner is a pain because my H and I don't want to eat cheeseburgers and meatballs, but we want to eat together so I do it anyway, or make different meals at the same time. Going to restaurants and ordering is often embarrassing to me (Please make sure no lettuce, pickle or tomato are on the plate. Please make sure no green herbs are sprinkled on the fries. Oh no. There are visible pieces of onion in this).

I used to spend more time on all this, but I got worn down! I keep organic mac and cheese dinners in the freezer and that will always do, plus I make sure he has one of the acceptable vegs on his plate for dinner every day. And there's only so much we can do over a summer or a week's break or a weekend. Sometimes there is some progress, like he ate and liked a bite of steak, but by the time he is back with us, maybe he has reverted and doesn't want to try it again. And we don't want to push it all the time, because we just want to have a happy time together.

H's relationship with the mom is bad. Any inquiries get turned around into accusations and big to-do's, so H doesn't bring up anything unless he's really serious about it and ready to deal with crazy-making, life-upending, time-sucking drama. The mom seems to have low standards. She sends him to school with Lunchables most days, and gives him PopTarts or frozen waffles for breakfast. To me this is disgusting and ignorant (but I understand that it doesn't actually rise to the level of neglect or abuse).

The upside is: He is healthy and growing, his size is good for his age, he gets lots of exercise, his doctor appointments check out fine. We don't know if his mom thinks that food is an issue at this point. (I can say that I believe she thinks of him as being much younger than he is. For example, we find she is administering to him OTC medicines intended for toddlers when he is a teenager, and she seems to miss age-appropriate stuff like his need to have a basic understanding about sex. So maybe she thinks he is like 6yo and so picky eating is normal)

Also, I have a couple friends who have told me that they had extreme picky eating into adulthood, and they are fine. Although I have doubts that these friends' diets were as limited as SS's.

Thanks for thoughts or tips!

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