Reply to Ah, the joys of parenting a 13-yo

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My teen is very mature (as in probably more mature than most adults) so this behavior is not generally a problem, but with both of my kids (the teen and the 12 yo), I don't allow them to yell at me or generally treat me like sh*t. I get that they are adolescents and may not always handle things well. They're learning... but in our family it is simply not acceptable to treat people that way.
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I agree in concept, but I suspect you also have a neuro-typical kid.  You say you don't allow your kids to yell at you or treat you like sh*t.  No parent wants to allow it, but how a parent responds depends entirely on the nature of their kid.  As PPs stated, you tell the child what is expected but beyond that ignoring and not giving attention to the issue can work well.  If the child has significant anxiety, OCD, other delays, etc., then the hard and fast parenting rules need to be modified for your family situation.[/quote]

Neuro-typical has nothing to do with this. I was/am completely neurotypical and was raised in a house where kids didn't yell at their parents or treat them like sh*t. Nevertheless, I turned into a batsh*t crazy teenager who constantly raged against the world, particularly my parents. I battled constantly with my father, often at the top of my lungs, and even told him to f*ck off once. This didn't happen *because* they allowed it. It happened *despite* their efforts to never allow it. My brother, OTOH, continued to treat my parents respectfully throughout his teen years. And I slowly went back to normal, respectful behavior by age 18.

It's great that some teens aren't like this. But don't kid yourself that you, as a parent have much control over this. You don't *allow* them to yell at you. Well, if one of them wants to, how are you going to prevent them? The reality is that your children *choose* not to yell at you, and you are lucky they have maintained that level of self-control and desire to please throughout the teen years.[/quote]
Not the PP, but how do I control the no yelling in the house rule? I ask them to leave the room until they feel like they have regained a sense of composure. I actually sat my DD down when she first started acting that way and explained I knew this was a tumultuous time, that she would be experiencing highs and lows, and that there were a lot of confusing things happening to her body and her emotions. I said also that her Dad and I were there in any way she needed us and will support her through thick and thin. That said, she didn't have the right to be an asshole to people in the house and if she was, she needed to remove herself from the common areas until she felt better.[/quote]

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