Reply to How do you nicely convey "MYOB"?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is about both my parents and my MIL/FIL. I love my parents dearly, and my in-laws are nice; I like them, we get along. Overall, both my family and my husband's family are warm, close and functional. We are VERY lucky in that regard.

But with all of our parents, they are very free with unsolicited advice, and feel free to ask questions that just aren't their business. My husband and I are 100% financially independent--we are in our late 30s/early 40s, have great jobs, are homeowners and own both cars outright. We've saved a significant amount for emergencies and for college. We are very good parents to our two DDs, and we have a good, healthy marriage. So none of this parental "involvement" comes from them having to be worried about us or having to support us.

It's seriously everything, from the little things to the big things. For example, my mom always quizzes me on why I work outside the home--not because she doesn't support that decision (she worked, too), but it's just to tease out my answers, to which she will nod sagely and say, "And that's exactly right." Well...thanks for your approval, again? She and my dad will also announce when they are visiting, rather than call me up and ask if it's OK to visit on those dates. Usually, it works out; the few times it hasn't, I've clearly let them know, and I've explicitly asked them to ask first. They ignore.

With my MIL/FIL, it's every. little. thing. "When are you going to put in new carpet? How much would that cost? Do you need help?" No...we just have focused on necessary repairs and home maintenence--new roof, solar panel installation, refinishing a deck, new hot water heater, new stove. In just three years, we have done all this, and we are pacing ourselves. The "cosmetic stuff" can wait. I don't ask her about her house, which frankly could use some work. She also calls me up and asks, "How did DD's last medical appointment go? What did the doctor say?" Look, OF COURSE I will tell them about any medical concerns, but my husband and I don't feel the need to report out what percentile her head circumference is, KWIM?

FIL is always asking about our finances. He wants to know exactly how much we have, or how much things cost. He's not content to know, generally, that we have a 529 college account for each girl, he wants to know HOW MUCH. He's not content to know we each have robust retirement acccounts, he wants to know HOW MUCH. None of yours, thanks!

So yes, this was a vent, but here's the real question: How do we convey MYOB without hurting our relationships?[/quote]

Just give them numbers ones, believe me they will not ask again. For them you are their kids, and they just want to make sure that you know what are you doing.
My parents used to do that all the time, once I gave information , they never asked again as they figured we were fine in financial area. [/quote]

WTF.  This will backfire.  Give an inch, they will want it all.

And why are they entitled to numbers anyway?

PP Here , I can tell that OP's MIL/FIL are asking the questions because they care for them and want the best for them. Her FIL just wants to be sure that they live within their means ( That is why he wants to know  how much) , and they are taking care of future needs.  It is not question of entitlement, it is just a father talking to his child.  We know that we are adults and know what we are doing, parent just want reassurance.

OP, the other PPs are right - deflect and be vague.  And stop offering lead-in information.[/quote][/quote]

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