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[quote=Anonymous]It is hard to tell from your post how extreme your child's reactions are. I have four boys who are very into sports. It is normal to be disappointed after losing, but there is a degree of reaction that is beyond the typical or common or the norm. One of my boys was like this. He is a super intense kid, anxious and very hard on himself, and at that age had a very hard time regulating his emotions. We really had to work with him to develop strategies to handle disappointments. We definitely emphasized beforehand and throughout all the positive aspects of playing that had nothing to do with winning, the social stuff, the challenge, the fun of the sport, etc. We kept it very positive and made a point of not discussing outcomes and results but rather the effort and also praising moments when he was able to manage little disappointments well. We also developed little traditions that were independent of winning/losing (for example, we might always get a treat at the Little League Snack Bar or we might have a consistent play date with a teammate after a game) and it helped to have lots of positive associations that had nothing to do with the performance.

Another thing that helped with him was, at other moments, to discuss challenging situations we'd been through. It helped him develop an emotional language to be able to empathize with his mom having gone through a big soccer game loss, and maybe even reacted badly, and I think it made him feel less alone and crazy in his feelings. Failure is common, it can feel really bad, but you move on and here we all are and now we can smile about it.

Another thing I remember that helped was to find opportunities for him to be a mentor/leader... like if I saw another kid struggling or upset because he had made a mistake, I would urge him to go over and support the kid.

My three other boys all "grew out of" their immaturities but this one definitely needed more hand-holding and coaching. The interesting thing is that, while he is still the same kid and still intense and so on, maybe because the habits were learned and we practiced so much he has excellent sports manners now that he is older. He still has a natural tendency to be hard on himself--it is part of who he is--but he is extremely gracious with teammates and opponents. Much more so than my other kids who were naturally so early on. It does make me proud because in the early days, his emotions were so huge that he could only think of himself.[/quote]

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