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[quote=Anonymous]My mother takes everything personally and thinks everyone is watching/judging her all the time. Although I'm now in my 40s and she's pushing 70, we can't really be friends. Depending on how old your mother is, how busy she is, how self-reflective she is, she will probably never change. I think a good number of people simply cannot be friends with their parents. A good number would probably not even associate with their parents if it weren't for them being, well, their parents.

Because of how my mother is and the unhappy feeling I'm often left with after speaking with her on the phone, I keep my calls to a minimum. She's a very (at times, overly) devoted grandmother which is great for my kids, but for me, it means spending more time with her than I care to. For all the happiness she has in her life, she has a persecution complex and likes to keep score. She watches too much FOX too, which contributes to her "the world is going to hell in a handbasket" outlook on life. And if I don't agree the world is headed to hell, she's oversensitive and takes it as some kind of rejection and yet another sign that I lack good values.

She too likes to dig up and beat dead horses. Lots of you should've this, you could've that, etc. Hurling the past back into your face when she thinks she can win-- it's something I've realized at this point, that her and my father are often more focused on "winning" than just letting things go. Must always have the last word and feel like they've taught you a lesson.

So, I don't know. Shrug. There's little you can do about it. What's helped me is trying to see my parents for who they are. They are insecure, scared people who carry a lot of fear around and like to blame other people for things. As they get older, they get worse. It's their choice in the end to be that way, but it's my choice to decide how I use my time and how much BS I want to expose not only myself, but my DH and kids too as well. If your mother likes to be around your kids and babysit and it will cause more grief to cut visits short or cut out visits altogether, try to find a way to make it work for you. Get chores done, go to dinner with your husband and friends, start side projects, get a nap in, etc.

I feel ya. [/quote]

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