Reply to Terrible IL - what to do?

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[quote=Anonymous]
To clarify: after a period of no contact, your husband now wants to invite his parent to your house for a visit?

How nasty was this IL to you in the past, exactly?

I had the same situation with my mother. She called us names, said and implied horrible things about DH when he was desperately looking for a job, accused us of the craziest things like messing with her fridge temperature on purpose while were at her house (!?) - so much that I vowed to cut off contact. DH persuaded me not to. We kept to a telephone-only relationship for a couple of years, then I finally invited my parents over for Christmas, mainly because I really missed my father, and really wanted him to develop a relationship with his grandchildren.

My mother was much better behaved as a visitor to my home than when we would come over to hers. I think some of her most egregious behavior must be linked to severe anxiety. Perhaps she actually can't stand having people over, I don't know.

So, I would say yes, on condition that I get to decide whether there is a next time after that, depending on this IL's behavior!

Stipulate that:
1. This visit must be extremely short, at most 3 days.
2. Your husband must defend you every time he hears a slur against you, immediately and regardless of company present.
3. That you will not be at the beck and call of the IL, if s/he is physically capable. I mean being a short-order cook, or going out and doing her shopping, etc. Of course, the host should make a common meal, prepare the guest room, offer to do laundry, ask for food allergies - basic guest services. But nothing you wouldn't do for any other guest in your home.
4. That you will keep a record of things the IL says when your husband is not here, and show him.
5. That if the IL is too disrespectful or too much of a handful in other ways, then s/he will not be invited again.

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