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[quote=Anonymous]Ok just curious how others are handling this.
DD is 13 y.o. 7th grader.  We are not in the DC area anymore but I'd appreciate your help, nonetheless.

Up until 6th grade DD was in a small parochial NoVA school with local families who all knew each other.  I'm a bit of a chicken re sleepovers, but we have allowed them with a few families that we know very well.

DD is at a new school; bigger, with a different culture--the feel is almost like a college.  The school families are from all over our new, very expansive city and I don't know the other parents or even get to know the other kids, bc after school play dates aren't really feasible given the distances, and everyone has non-school-related sports etc on weekends.

DD has a school friend Larla who I've only seen and said "hi" to twice.  I have sat with her mom during one school sporting event but the duration was brief.  Larla's mom has evited DD twice now to group sleepover events--the first, just at their house, and the second, to be driven 3 hours away to a resort town for "Larla's Birthday Extravaganza"--"bring money for shopping!"

The evites hide the guest list so I have no idea who else is going--meaning, how many girls, and could even be boys for all I know (although I seriously doubt it).   DD has told me that Larla's mom is single, and I asked about sibs (like older brother?) but DD doesn't know.  Have no idea if mom has a boyfriend.

Fortunately for both invitations, DD had a sports conflict.  That was fortunate for ME, because I need to get my stuff together and figure out how to handle, both for Larla, and the next friend down the line.

Honestly, when I got that email evite, I felt like I had just got a ticking time bomb in my mailbox--like I need ANOTHER fight with my 13 y.o.--and was (unfairly) mad at the mom for giving me another problem.  I was SO happy when I saw the sports conflict.

I'm hesitant to have DD do sleepovers unless I know the family really well, and the other invited friends, and that's just not likely to happen at this new school.   DD mentions a new kid's name every week or so…"you're hanging out with who now?"

I'm also hesitant about saying yes to one sleepover and later saying no to another and getting teen blowback (although I'm strong and will take it; just want to set it up to avoid it).  Face it, it's easier to have a bright line rule, but I recognize I should be thinking about parameters so I can be flexible.  Or maybe I keep the bright line rule?

I'd like to know what has worked for you, and thank you in advance.[/quote]

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