Reply to Should I talk to the adult leader?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. DS was upset not because of fewer lines, but how the group leader said he didn't care.
(DS went to drama camp before, he did got less lines and was ok)

Thanks![/quote]

OP, that's what jumped out at me in your original post, the idea that the group leader (a teen, not an adult) said he didn't care.

That, and not the lack of lines, should be the focus for you AND for your child.

Ask your son: Is this the first time that this teen has spoken to him that way? Is the teen usually OK? Then I might advise a little distance from the emotion and some empathy: "Teen X probably was under a lot of stress with kids asking him things and working out a play so quickly. If he doesn't usually talk this way to you or other kids then this might have been the stress talking--we all stay stuff we shouldn't sometimes when too much is going on. If he does it again, then you and I should talk about what to do next."

If your son just can't let this go, then I strongly agree with others here that  your son should advocate for himself with the adult leader. If I were the adult leader (and I am an adult leader in a youth organization) I would want to know if one of my teens, who had been given the responsibility for shepherding younger participants, behaved in that way, if it seemed egregious. Talk to your son about advocating for himself and rehearse with him what he wants to say to the adult and how he wants to say it. Having him write it out first is a help. This is an opportunity to show him that going to an adult while emotional and wound up is not as effective as going to an adult calmly and with a clear statement in his mind.

I would be prepared for the possibility that the adult leader might have the "If I didn't hear it and you did not come to me at that time, it's over and done." That's not entirely a wrong attitude with something of this nature (though it would be entirely wrong with something abusive). Or the leader might dismiss your son as "tattling" after the fact. Prepare your son to say his piece and stay cool no matter how the leader reacts. I hope the reaction is: "Thanks for letting me know. I'll handle it."

But first I'd really see if son can cut the teen some slack if this was a one-off problem. If it was not a one-off, 
your son needs to calm down and work to figure out what he is willg to say to the teen and/or the adult. And by the way, the PP who notes that kids do embellish things was right -- your son may be emotional enough over this that he is painting the comment as maybe worse than it was.

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