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[quote=Anonymous]Hi,

Like many others on here, this issue has come to sort of critical mass.  My question for Low Drive Spouses is why are you willing to refuse sexual intimacy with your partner?  I understand the reasons behind Low Drive: no time, hormones, kids, too tired etc, so not looking for the actual causal reasons for Low Drive, but more of why you are willing to hurt your partner around this issue when you know it is an issue.  We have an overall good relationship from what I can tell outside of this issue, but I am having a very hard time understanding how my wife can know how painful this issue is not only to me but to our relationship, and not take any action around it.  I guess what the most hurtful part of this situation is not as much the lack of sex, but that my wife knows that is really painful to me and won't make any effort.  I get that she probably feels hurt around the issue as well but I cannot understand how one partner can share a pain with the other and they do anything they can to try to limit it.

There have been things in our relationship that my wife said really hurt or she needed from me, and I worked to change these things because I care about her.  I am trying hard but not understanding why she won't do the same for me.  She says she wants to, and I think I believe her, but she doesn't take any action.  I have shared with my wife that it isn't about actual sex, but connection to our marriage.  I would be ok if I only pleasured her or if she gave me a HJ or BJ, or even had a remotely passionate make out session.  These are things that would take a few minutes and would not require her to be fully "in the mood" but would show that she cares about me and values how I feel, but she won't do this.

I am looking for honest feedback from Low Drive Spouses of in the scenario above, why you would be unwilling to have intimacy with your partner?  If I could understand it I may be able to cope with it better, for right now the only thing I feel is that she just doesn't care enough about me.  I am just looking to see if there are other things than that which could be in play.  [/quote]

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