Reply to Feeling like our relationship is hurting

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[quote=Anonymous]The time when people have young children and are pregnant is enormously stressful on any marriage. I think we have all been through it. I think some of the other posters have been very harsh on you. I would caution you, though, that this kind of emotional distance can get worse and worse unless you take action. It doesn't sound like you two are communicating effectively. Did you tell him his comments about the "pointlessness" of your time off together hurt your feelings? Have you told him you feel like he doesn't care whether or not you spend time together and you really miss him? If you guys can't have emotionally intimate conversations like that, I would recommend couples counseling. It sounds like a major step but it really isn't. Me and my DH have NO desire to leave each other but we had pretty much lost the romantic connection and the stress of young children and a failure to communicate left us with a lot of build-up resentments and a deep feeling of loneliness. A counselor has really helped us have some deep conversations we would not have had otherwise. And also helped us understand how our respective families growing up have led to conflict avoidance approaches that have not helped us. Have you told your DH you feel lonely for him and miss him? If you do, what does he say? If you have tried talking to him and can't make any progress, seriously consider going to see a therapist with him who can help you guys talk about this stuff in a productive way. I know it's hard. Marriages go through ups and downs. When you are in it for the long haul, you've got to grow as people and work to become closer together. In my experience it doesn't just happen. It's a real effort. [/quote]

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