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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe the angry email was because you haven't let them know either way if you are coming or not?

I agree with the PP's that you don't have to go. 
[b]If you have been married for 15 years and have young children and she hasn't visited in 15 years that means they haven't been to any life events of your children (even when they were born possibly?) and that should wipe any guilt from your mind totally and completely.
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Send a nice gift and save the expense for when she gets married in 5 years. [/quote]

Absolutely. I'd apologize for not responding earlier and say that regretfully you can't come. At graduation time, send a card and/or gift to your niece. And be sure that you stay in touch with her directly so that her mother doesn't have to be the intermediary! (She may still try to intervene, but she won't have to.)[/quote]

This is irrelevant, really. I don't like my sister much of the time and I have to travel her to see her. But I am not going to deny my kids and hers a relationship because my sister is lazy. In family, it is not usually a matter of what is fair or right, but how you can best preserve the important relationships working around people's many flaws.
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It does speak to the reasonableness of the expectations though.  If SIL skipped their kids' baptisms or other milestone events, it's not quite reasonable to expect them to come to the graduation. [/quote]

Pp here from the first post quoted.
That's what I meant about the "no guilt." The OP was pretty clear that no one wanted to go, and it was a hardship of time and planning to go.  The niece in question is of grad school age, aka an adult, and hasn't made the relationship a priority either so it's even more unreasonable to expect the OP to go [/quote]

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