Reply to Refuse funeral contributions without hurting in-laws

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Accept it graciously and donate it. i think the repercussions from not accepting it will be worse than the strings. [/quote]

This was my first instinct as well -- accept and donate as you see fit, to some charity that your relative would have supported. The in-laws do not need to know that the money went to a charity rather than toward expenses (it sounds from your update as if these funds are culturally seen as helping with funeral expenses for the uninsured).

But OP, is the problem also that you don't want MIL demanding $600 apiece from your husband's siblings? Can your husband just talk direclty to his siblings and say, this isn't needed and we're asking mom not to do this, so please turn down any request she makes and just say that we've informed everyone that all funeral etc. expenses are covered and we want your thoughts and presence, not your "presents"? Or would that open up a can of worms where MIL is furious with all the siblings and not just DH and you? I rather suspect it would.

It might be easier just to accept, thank profusely, and donate. But if MIL later asks how the money was spent, you and DH will need to decide -- before that question hits you -- what you plan to say to her.

Or rather -- what DH plans to say to her, because this is his to handle. His mom, his family traditions, are his to deal with, as your own family is yours do deal with. If she comes to you about these things because maybe culturally the daughter-in-law handles them and not the "man of the house," well, he needs to start mom understanding that for family issues he's the primary point of contact.[/quote]

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