Reply to The line between teen moodiness and depression

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "The line between teen moodiness and depression"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So my dd just turned 13. And she just got her first period. Lots of changes.

But, I'm getting a little concerned and am having difficulty figuring out what is hormonal/normal and what, if anything, is more alarming.

In the last few months she has:

-- Quit her travel sport team
-- Taken to spending huge amounts of time in her room -- would rather binge-watch Netflix or Minecraft than interact with friends
-- Seems to have developed severe anxiety
-- Complains more of illness and missed a lot of school. One day she just flat-out refused to go to school. I definitely have the sense that she now believes that getting her period means at least one day out for cramps, etc. As a Dad, it's kind of hard for me to argue with this, even though I know rationally that's not something that should become a habitual expectation.
-- Begs to be home-schooled. 
-- Needs better coaxing to complete things. It's like she gives up when anything starts to get hard.

She assures us there's no bullying or anything at school -- I think she may just be overwhelmed. She went in to meet with the counselor the day she refused to go, so at least the school counselor is involved.

But, we're also getting e-mails from teachers who observe that her once bubbly self has turned more subdued. They are also concerned.

She is an introvert -- always has been. And she's a straight-A student in advanced classes, so it's not like her work is suffering. But, when she starts refusing to go to school, that's concerning.g

I've told my DW I want to screen her for depression but DW is adamantly opposed. She swears it's just hormonal and normal. It very well be, but I don't see the harm in an evaluation.

Anyone else BTDT?[/quote]

You listed a TON of things, so I'm going to address it point by point.

13 with her first period, feeling that everyone can tell, feeling that she's dirty, cramping hurts...  Normal.  Thinking that she'll be able to take off at least 1 day per month because she's cramping isn't normal.  At the first sign of her period, she needs to drink more water, avoid caffeine, eat more iron (red meat, raisins, spinach, liver though it's doubtful she would eat it).  She needs to medicate before she starts feeling the cramping, and if she uses something that contains a muscle relaxant, not jut a pain reliever, she'll be able to go through her days like normal.  One 12 hour dose when she gets up, the next dose should be due after she gets out of school.

Lots of kids decide to quit travel in middle or high school.  Sometimes it's too much to deal with sports, school an having a life.  Sometimes it's because they're realistic about their ability.  Sometimes they quit because they only did it for the parent.  The only way you will find out why is to talk to your daughter, and make sure that you are calm.  You want to know why she quit so that you can help her learn to deal with being a teen, not to call her decision into question.

If she's an introvert, the time spent by herself in her room is so that she can recharge, so I wouldn't be concerned with that.  The length of time would imply that social dynamics have become more difficult, so she needs longer to recharge, or she may not have the ability to tell when she's had enough time to herself yet.

Severe anxiety rates immediately finding a counselor outside of school.  You need to know what to do to help her, she needs to know that you are willing and able to help.

Most kids complain about school and try to skip school at least a few times.  If she's refusing to go to school without even pretending to be sick and she's begging to be homeschooled, it's not just a case of a kid who didn't study for a test.  If her schedule is still overwhelming even after quitting travel, you and DW need to talk to the school counselor with her and see what you can do to make it manageable.  Not easy, but manageable.  If the anxiety gets very. very bad and nothing is done about it, she could need to be homeschooled, so step in now and see what you can do to help.  Straight A students in advanced classes who want to be there, who have the drive to complete the work don't refuse to go to school on a regular basis unless something is wrong.  Trust your instincts.  Have the school counselor talk to DW asap, because refusing to have an evaluation could mean that an issue is left untreated for way too long.

Lots of kids want to give up when things get harder.  Model working through things.  Model ways to make things easier or more efficient.  Find out if her organization is making things harder for herself.  Find out why she's suddenly quitting everything.  Talk to the school and out-of-school counselors about her lack of drive to finish things, and see what they recommend.

If teachers are noticing an extreme change in temperament, they are reaching out because they are worried about anxiety, depression or even suicide.  Look online for a list of cues that suicidal teens give, and see how your daughter is matching up.  She may not currently be at that point, but she obviously needs help.

I work with teens and preteens as a nanny, tutor and in volunteering.  When one goes through such a rapid and extreme change in temperament, it's the adult responsibility to reach of to the child (frequently they're bouncing back and forth between adult and child-like thoughts) while also looking for professional help.  I wish you luck, OP, and I hope it works out soon.  Please update us when you know what's going on.

[/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this...

The travel team may have been quitting in spite of my enthusiasm for it -- I own that. But the advance course work at school is entirely her doing. We resisted advanced math, for example, but she insisted on it and seems much happier now that she's in that class.

All your other points are very salient and I appreciate the thoughtful response.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics