Reply to Conundrum - include family in memorial or no?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Ok. So, I go and get my aunt and bring her to the beach for the whatever-we-call-it. I agree that this is the right thing to do.

Do I say something to my cousin about it? When I offered to go get my Aunt, my Aunt said she didn't want to "trouble" me and then said she felt bad that her daughter wouldn't help and didn't appear to feel obligated in any way. She thinks it's her fault because she never asked her kids for anything. I think she needs her daughter's support and won't ask for it. She definitely wants her daughter to support her through this. My cousin isn't uncaring, and she's close to her mom (no fighting), but it's also true that all her life her parents have been the givers and she and her brother have been the recipients. It hasn't often gone the other way and she may not realize how much her mother needs her. Though, maybe that's between them and I should just MMOB.[/quote]

I agree too about planning for your family and enabling your aunt to come.  I do think it's very important for her to be there and you to do whatever you can to facilitate that.

It depends a bit on your relationship with your cousin, but I would say something short and to-the-point about your sensing that your aunt wants her there for moral/emotional support more than anything...and then leave it at that.  You can't really fix that relationship, it has to be up to your cousin and your aunt.  Your aunt could also ask for this support on her own, BTW, so I agree that some of the issues in this relationship are on your aunt as well.

I'm very sorry for your loss...and it's nice to see that you are able to honor your mother's wishes.[/quote]

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